How can I understand crazy without becoming crazy?

Four thoughts that turn the mind to the dharma (aka non-craziness, aka sanity)

One of the most disturbing feelings related to current circumstances in our country (among so many disturbing feelings) is an inability to recognize anything that makes sense in those who hold opposing views. Their reasoning, ideas, and priorities seem, well, insane. Impossible. Profoundly reprehensible. The more I try to find logic, psychology, socio-economic factors, preferred jungian archetypes, chosen propaganda streams–anything, anything that may enable me to understand how it is possible for any human being to support our current politics and see it as something other than a full-on coup, a power grab fostered by an unspeakably cruel agenda, the more distant I feel from the whole world, not to mention despairing, enraged, and grief-stricken. Things I imagine you feel, too.

So, now what? The Hornevian directional theory (posited by German psychoanalyst Karen Horney in the first half of the last century) suggests there are three ways we are wired to respond to challenges, small or large. One of them is usually preferred throughout your life. You may meet difficulty by trying to make peace (compliant), fight it off (aggressive), or just move on (avoidant). I don’t know about you, but in desperate moments during the last months, my mind has cycled through each of these with ever-increasing speed until I just collapse. Maybe these people have suffered things I can’t understand (almost certainly true) and there is some nice dharma teaching that can make it all more palatable. Maybe I can yell louder and emote more until they just shut up (I’ve tried it, doesn’t work); at least I might feel better for a moment. My go-to is usually #3; I guess I like to just keep things moving and, on good days, do constructive work or, on bad days, hide. It’s hit or miss.

While I think Karen Horney was brilliant, these three methods at this moment in time are basically three strikes and I’m out. When none of them help, I start to cycle through them again and again, hitting harder and with more speed until I feel dizzy and foggy.

At this point, I should mention that I have no other solution to offer. As a Buddhist teacher and meditator, the main question I hear from students these days (quite understandably) is something like, “how can I make this okay?” “This” meaning, usually, the rage and fear I feel. Each time I hear such a question, I have to say right away, I have nothing helpful to offer. There are no Buddhist lady tricks up my sleeve here. I wish there were.

That said! There are two teachings I have found helpful personally. First:

THE FOUR REMINDERS

Though I really don’t like to remember them, it does help to recall these four things called, unironically, the Four Reminders or Four Thoughts that Turn the Mind to the Dharma.

Whatever you may explore in the Buddhist world: teachings about life, death, happiness, wisdom, compassion, emptiness, luminosity, self/no-self; the most basic (the importance of discipline) to the most exalted (maha, anu, ati yogas), you will find the four reminders lurking just beyond each gate. The first thing they remind you of is that there is no place to hide from your most galling emotions, though that is often the motivation look in the first place. (Understandable. I mean, who goes searching for the groundlessness, heartbreak, and not-knowing that herald spiritual deepening?) Relief from suffering is possible however. You just have to remember four things.

1. “The ease and obtainments of this precious human rebirth are extremely difficult to find.”* Your life is precious. Singular. A shining culmination of endless life streams that came before you (aka your parents, their parents, and so on), the culture they were raised in, the sandwiches they ate, the climates they lived in, and so on. If any one of these factors was slightly changed, you would not be here. So, it’s a special situation that you are. Try not to forget that.

2. But you won’t be here for long. “Whoever is born possesses the phenomena of impermanence and death.” Yup. You’re going to die and so is everyone else. Though I am still pretending this won’t happen to me, I’m pretty sure it will happen to you. Hey, that’s the best I can do right now. In other words, death is real. Try not to forget that.

3. “The cause and result of virtuous and non-virtuous action cannot be denied.” I mean, you could try to deny it but it seems clear that everything you do plants a seed. Good seeds sprout good things. Bad seeds, well, you know the rest. But wait, you might reasonably think. Shitty things happen to really great people and also the opposite is true. Yes, I agree. The caveat with this third reminder–Karma is real–is that the seeds ripening in your life now may have been planted in previous lifetimes and those you plant currently may not ripen until you’re some other kind of you in a future lifetime. I’m not asking you to believe me or anything. But if you think about it, this explanation makes a lot of things make sense. Try not to forget that.

4. “The continuous character of the three realms of samsara is an ocean of suffering.” The three realms (desire, form, and formless realms) are outside the scope of this discussion, but suffice to say that remaining on the ride of thinking we can get out of the first three reminders is only gonna slap back. Hard. Try not to forget that.

The four reminders are stark! Now, what do they have to do with helping me not hate Trump and Trumpers and Musk and ICE and racists and anti-semites and LGBTQ-haters and tech bros and those who support the patriarchy (all of whom are on my no fly list right now, and this is the short list)? Well, zero of the four reminders change how I feel about any of these people. However, they do change how I feel about myself, my life, and the choices I make as my day unfolds.

When I remember that my life is meaningful, precious, singular, I don’t want to waste any more time. I feel a return of awe.

When I remember that I’m going to die and so is everyone I love, including my two little cats, both of whom died in the last year–UNBEARABLE–I feel a return of respect.

When I remember that the seeds I plant now actually mean something, I feel a return of thoughtfulness and care.

When I remember that basically none of this is going to work out, I feel a return of inspiration to break through the veils of delusion that try to convince me otherwise.

Awe, respect, thoughtfulness, inspiration. Though the Four Reminders, I’m not going to lie, sound awful, these four qualities most certainly do not.

To conclude, my favorite dharma teaching is always this: don’t take my word for this. OR ANYTHING. See what happens if you spend a few minutes each day contemplating the four reminders. Maybe something, maybe nothing, one never knows. But think about it all for yourself and see what you discover.

When you open to your own wisdom, great forces come to your aid. (Don’t take my word for that, either.)

Next post! Helpful teaching #2! I thought I’d get to it in this post, but this turned out to be kinda long. Helpful teaching #2 is about Buddhist cosmology which posits six realms. Trust me, it’s helpful. Well, to me. Hopefully to you, too!

Love you.

S

This book is brilliant on the Four Reminders.

*These are the Four Reminders as presented in this brilliant book by Thinley Norbu Rinpoche.

If you’re reading this via email, it’s because you kindly signed up for my free substack newsletter. Just to remind you how we got here together. Also, wherever you’re reading this, THANK YOU! I’m grateful to try to understand reality with you. Share your thoughts in comments, chat, email, psychically, whatever your preferred channel may be.